Recently I have entered into the 21st Century and purchased myself a router, meaning I can now connect my PS3, laptop, PSP, phone, microwave and cat to the internet. It also means my productivity and work output has become non-existent since the world of online gaming has sucked me in, and doesn’t seem keen on letting me go anytime soon.
I signed into Playstation Home last night, thinking that soon enough, it would be my home. I could picture myself spending hours upon hours there, customising my avatar and apartment, and chatting to other PS3 lovers. However it didn’t take long for me to realise that this would not be the case.
Firstly I was disappointed by how many things I was required to either download or pay for. For example, I thought I’d take a trip to the Bowling Alley for some fun. Bowling Alley must be downloaded. Right. Hit ‘download in background’ and continued wandering around. Next stop: shopping centre. Shopping Centre must be downloaded. Oook. Downloaded that in the background too.
While I was waiting for something to do, I watched a conversation between someone called ‘Hot Sexy Barbie Chick’ and ‘Latino Stallion’. That was about as interesting as it sounds and thoroughly turned me off everybody on the PSN for the rest of my life.
Finally the Bowling Alley was downloaded, so I ran in there to escape the Latino Stallion’s advances. Decided to bowl a little to keep myself entertained, and was put in a queue. Not happy. Wandered over to the pool table, and was greeted with another queue. Saw some arcade games out of the corner of my eye and became infuriated when I was told I’d have to download those too.
Playstation Home verdict: Never.Again.
It was a nice try though Sony. Better luck next time.
What saved me from being completely and utterly disappointed by everything online, was the actual games. Ah games, how I love thee. I chucked in ‘Little Big Planet’ and after downloading 11 updates and curing my facial twitch, I actually had a lot of fun. Apart from the annoying zebra with the fifty thousand peacock feathers stuck to his head who found it hilarious to drag me off the screen every three seconds, I found Little Big Planet online a truly enjoyable experience. Sure there were the annoying ‘Sxc Time 4 U’ levels scattered around the place, but the number of really good levels helped me to overlook that. Thankyou Little Big Planet, thankyou.
The world of online games is so massive that I have no idea where to start. I look at the games sitting in my cupboard and the possibilities are so endless they almost result in seizures! But I shall carry this burden and spend my days on the couch carjacking people and riding skateboards down hills, simply so nobody else ever wastes their time with useless online ventures. Here’s looking at you, Playstation Home.